Senior Captain's Trip to Ufford Park June 2018
The Journey
The Seniors Captain makes no apology for using some newly invented nicknames in this report in a vain attempt to making it somewhere approaching as entertaining as the Fantasy Newsletters!!
Thursday 28th June saw 24 of the Seniors Section head for Ufford Park Golf Club in Woodbridge, Suffolk for what they all hoped would be the perfect way to spend two days- two rounds of enjoyable golf, plenty of evening drinking and watching England play Belgium in the World Cup. Well two out of three can't be bad!
Thursday 28th June saw 24 of the Seniors Section head for Ufford Park Golf Club in Woodbridge, Suffolk for what they all hoped would be the perfect way to spend two days- two rounds of enjoyable golf, plenty of evening drinking and watching England play Belgium in the World Cup. Well two out of three can't be bad!
At various different times of the morning the 24 set off down the A12 , some sharing and some driving alone and it wasn't long before Flash and Robot spotted a black Mercedes with a personalised number plate. Cruising past it they gave a royal wave to the driver, none other than Dennis " Bonnie" Tyler. Shortly after the next roundabout a flash of black shot past us at breakneck speed in an effort to be first through the gates at the Golf Club and we soon realised that the healthy element of competition amongst the Seniors had already begun. However we had the last laugh when Dennis later said to us "I would have been there first but I didn't take the turning signposted Ufford Park because those signs never seem to take you into the golf club!!!
The Arrival
Miraculously all 24 arrived in good time (Photo: being greeted by the Royal Guests from their 'shared' bedroom), to have a light lunch with the exception of Senor Benton who went for the full works of fish, chips and peas much to the consternation of his team captain. During lunch the World Cup style draw using four seeded pots (not the gardening term!) based on club handicaps aroused much interest, but not quite as much as the draw for tee times. With the last group going out just before 2.30 p.m. the concern was whether they would be finished in time to watch the England v Belgium match which would decide who would come out on top of their group. The lucky team going out last was led by COYI Phillips and to say that he wasn't happy was massive understatement.
Day One of Play
And so the competition began. Like most courses at the moment if you kept the ball straight you were duly rewarded. Sadly there were only two or three people in that category (see results below).
All were asked to arrive in team colours. Spot the non-team member - someone suggested that blue doesn't match the interior colour of the merc! We won't share the one about washing skills, otherwise DT might get into trouble!
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Nevertheless the weather was fantastic, the company was,as usual, most entertaining and produced many shots never before seen on a golf course. Two, in particular, are worthy of a mention if only to put a smile to the faces of those reading this. The first hole is a generous par 5 and with an invitingly hard and wide fairway the chance of a birdie to start your round with was clearly in the big hitters thoughts. Up steps William French. With driver in hands two immaculate practice swings followed and the scene is set for the 280 yard straight down the middle drive of the day. Some five seconds later there is stunned silence as the ball slices violently out to the right careering over one/two other fairways and landing further away from the hole than it started. Needless to say none of his newly acquired team mates rushed over to help him find his ball and all of a sudden William had become Billy No Mates!
The second short worthy of note was a drive on the short 148 yards par 3 third hole. Now this particular golfer is well known for his accuracy off the tee so this drive should have been a doodle. Up steps Mr Ready Golf himself. 10 seconds later Brian had hit the ground and hooked the ball all of twenty yards into the greenside bunker on the previous hole where Gunga had to suddenly dive for cover to avoid getting Srixon imprinted on the side of his face! Over the course of the two days I am sure there were many more such shots but thankfully for those concerned I never got to hear about them.
The second short worthy of note was a drive on the short 148 yards par 3 third hole. Now this particular golfer is well known for his accuracy off the tee so this drive should have been a doodle. Up steps Mr Ready Golf himself. 10 seconds later Brian had hit the ground and hooked the ball all of twenty yards into the greenside bunker on the previous hole where Gunga had to suddenly dive for cover to avoid getting Srixon imprinted on the side of his face! Over the course of the two days I am sure there were many more such shots but thankfully for those concerned I never got to hear about them.
Celebration (of England's Win) Dinner
With all groups finishing just in time to watch the football it was time to get stuck into a few beers before dinner and prize giving. Dinner ran surprisingly smoothly with everyone actually eating the starters and main courses that they had ordered. Of course that couldn't last and Viva Bobby Doe decided that he liked the look of the panna cotta instead of the strawberry and raspberry tart that he had ordered leaving Dave (I am allergic to red fruit) Skeels with the aforementioned tart. With a few beers under his belt the captain decided to generously offer Dave his Honeycomb and Vanilla ice cream. Sadly, somewhat unsteady on his feet, he dropped the lot on the floor !!
Prize Giving - Day One
Tension grew as prize giving approached (see below for full details) but particular congratulations should go to overall winner of the day Stan the Man Tillett with a magnificent 37 points. Ash was extremely impressed and congratulated Stan personally saying " A great round of boring golf just hitting it straight down the fairways and, by the way, your putting wasn't bad". Congratulations also to runner up Tony (I was only warming up today just wait until you see my score tomorrow) Dunsden. Saving the best until last, 3rd place received the greatest cheer of the evening. Martin Councillor Gunga Goode (rumour has it he has changed his name by deed poll) won, for the fist time, any kind of prize since his arrival at Warley Park (qualifying him for a round with Teresa May at the annual House of Commons Mixed Open) Congratulations Martin - I want to see you wearing those socks and taking care of your balls!!
As the evening drew to a close there was still time for a few more beers at the bar and various topics of conversation including lesbian tennis players, Brexit/Love Island, the number of people who had attended a Speed Awareness course, what happened last time Germany didn't make the semi-finals of a major football tournament (clue is 1938) and what does an astrophysicist do. Those who had nothing to contribute sloped off to their rooms. Having left 20 minutes earlier one of the "slopers"" re-appeared in the bar with an extremely quizzical look on his face. He had, in fact, spent the last 20 minutes wandering the corridors of the hotel looking for his room!! You always did have a great sense of direction Doug!! Teresa May's new best friend was given a hearty cheer when he reminded the bar staff that they couldn't close the bar if we, as residents, wanted to continue drinking!!
Day Two of Play - Altogether less serious than day one!
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Friday morning saw the draw for new playing partners, but still playing for the same team. This did somewhat confuse one or two people with comments such as " I am in Team A but I am not playing with any of them" and " How will I know what my team mates scored if they are not in my fourball" (The organiser felt that it would be nice for everyone to play with different players on the second day and didn't anticipate this confusion). No names were actually mentioned but don't let Viva, Gunga or Machine gun (those with O Level history should get this!) do your scorecard!! The draw for tee times followed and yes you guessed it COYI Phillips was in the last group yet again. C'est la vie Bob!
Rather late we did Team Photos (but not in team colours of course).
Rather late we did Team Photos (but not in team colours of course).
Everyone was in confident mood (as seen by the faces in the group photo) when they arrived (dressed in some particularly colourful and not matching clothing) at the first tee. It had slipped out in conversation the previous evening that the Fantasy News organiser was donating a particularly good bottle of wine to the most outlandish outfit). Scores were bound to improve significantly now that we all knew the layout of the course. This did not prove to be the case with only 12 players scoring better on the second day!
With the cuts and shots given back system in place (see results below) some players very quickly found out what it is like playing big boys golf (I had to get that in Stan) and most prizes were unsurprisingly awarded to a different set of people. Particular congratulations go to the individual and team winners - Senor B. Fairbanks G and Bonnie T along with Team A. And a special mention to Will Gilley for sustaining two good days of golf to head the table at the end of play.
However, the big question was "Who would be the winner of the Simon Hughes Most Outlandish and Colourful Outfit Award ? which incidentally not only got the winner a bottle of quality wine, but also a one year contract as the Fashion Editor of Fantasy News.
I was pleased that I didn't have to make the decision alone as I remembered in Simon's note to me that I could do this together with someone. Finding the note, I was amazed to learn who it was to help me make this very tricky decision – Kim (who was 50 miles away). Is Simon beginning to lose it I thought to myself? After the obvious roar of laughter at someone else's expense the decision was made and Ash (I actually think the outfit affected my game) Patel was revealed as the winner.
With the cuts and shots given back system in place (see results below) some players very quickly found out what it is like playing big boys golf (I had to get that in Stan) and most prizes were unsurprisingly awarded to a different set of people. Particular congratulations go to the individual and team winners - Senor B. Fairbanks G and Bonnie T along with Team A. And a special mention to Will Gilley for sustaining two good days of golf to head the table at the end of play.
However, the big question was "Who would be the winner of the Simon Hughes Most Outlandish and Colourful Outfit Award ? which incidentally not only got the winner a bottle of quality wine, but also a one year contract as the Fashion Editor of Fantasy News.
I was pleased that I didn't have to make the decision alone as I remembered in Simon's note to me that I could do this together with someone. Finding the note, I was amazed to learn who it was to help me make this very tricky decision – Kim (who was 50 miles away). Is Simon beginning to lose it I thought to myself? After the obvious roar of laughter at someone else's expense the decision was made and Ash (I actually think the outfit affected my game) Patel was revealed as the winner.
The Simon Hughes Loudest and Worst Dressed golfer of the day award - Ash Patel
Ash wins a one year contract as the Fashion Editor of Fantasy News
Ash wins a one year contract as the Fashion Editor of Fantasy News
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Ed Note : Ash revealed 'in confidence' that his outfit had won a previous dress rubbish day on a previous seniors trip - Sponsor beware!!
And so late into the afternoon the same 24 Warley Park Seniors Section golfers headed back to the A12 after a most enjoyable two days and perhaps hoping that it will not be too long before the next trip comes around.
Graham aka Robot aka Robbo
Graham aka Robot aka Robbo
The Results - Days One and Two and Overall
Outturn's as they say on the TV and Film
Most photos were taken by your web editor (please come on the next trip away Rex!) but he was rather relaxed in that role (failing to get up from his dinner seat to take formal presentation shots!) and freely passed the cameras around for snaps. So you can judge for yourselves where his involvement began and ended. But I must make special mention of Bob (the snap) Phillips. As the Ed had to be in one of the team photos he asked Bob to take our team shot.
Here was attempt 1 Here was attempt 2 Attempt 3 is above
Moral - Bob needs three (golf) shots for one of everyone elses! Even then he is quite far away from his target!
Most photos were taken by your web editor (please come on the next trip away Rex!) but he was rather relaxed in that role (failing to get up from his dinner seat to take formal presentation shots!) and freely passed the cameras around for snaps. So you can judge for yourselves where his involvement began and ended. But I must make special mention of Bob (the snap) Phillips. As the Ed had to be in one of the team photos he asked Bob to take our team shot.
Here was attempt 1 Here was attempt 2 Attempt 3 is above
Moral - Bob needs three (golf) shots for one of everyone elses! Even then he is quite far away from his target!
Thanks from the 24
Our thanks to Graham as Seniors Captain for arranging this very well organised trip. Throughly enjoyable, with excellent weather and a good choice of course. Our special thanks for providing all the prizes (excl Simon's special) and for buying everyone a drink on the 1st night (unless you went to bed early!).
Our thanks to Graham as Seniors Captain for arranging this very well organised trip. Throughly enjoyable, with excellent weather and a good choice of course. Our special thanks for providing all the prizes (excl Simon's special) and for buying everyone a drink on the 1st night (unless you went to bed early!).